As soon as you fire this game up, you know you're in for something special. On the left side of the main menu is an innocent, curious baby. On the right: a flaming barrel of dynamite.
I'm not sure what sadistic tendencies the creators of this game had, but if they tried something like this today, there would be a lawsuit for sure.
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| I don't even know what to say. |
In Baby Boomer, you don't control the innocent little tyke. No, it's your task to aim the cross-hairs on-screen at any peril in the baby's way, and remove it before the infant meets his doom. You may wonder why a baby is crawling away from certain death, anyway. The game explains that the baby has lost his mother (such negligence!) and it is your job to guide him back to her. Frankly, if this mother could just lose her baby in the middle of a park, maybe she doesn't deserve for him to come back. That kid would be better off crawling to the nearest adoption agency.
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| Watch out for that rat! |
The game's box makes it very clear that this fine piece of software is “not designed, manufactured, sponsored, or endorsed by Nintendo." If that's not a warning, what is? If you do ignore all reason and play Baby Boomer anyway, you'll have to defend the baby from sewer rats that fall out of trees, jumping cockroaches and even walking skeletons.
I made it about as far as the first level, after shooting clouds to make bridges for the infant and killing attacking snakes and bugs. At the end of the level, baby approaches a menacing sign: “To Cemetery,” it says. Hey, baby's mom: child protective services is gearing up to pay you a visit! I gave up on this “game” after the baby fell into an open grave and started throwing a tantrum.
The one good thing about Baby Boomer is that everyone who originally owned a copy probably threw it away after playing it once. That means if you own your own copy, it's probably considered a rare collectible on eBay by now. Right?
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