A Nightmare on Elm Street - NES

This game had me totally fooled. I seriously thought it was going to be about Freddy Kreuger, the crazy burn victim with knives for fingers who stalks misbehaving teenagers in their dreams. I mean, Freddy's even on the game's box cover, so it's only logical to think that's the star of this game. But what do you see when you enter this so-called nightmare?

Snakes, crows and giant rats. Oh, and zombies, too. Because these things absolutely make sense in a Nightmare on Elm Street game.

I think the point of the game is to collect the bones of Freddy so your character of uncertain gender can burn them, thereby destroying the monster for all eternity. Even if you somehow could accomplish this bizarre task, it wouldn't matter. Everyone knows Freddy Kreuger never dies. Never.

To be fair, Kreuger does show up to kick the crap out of you occasionally. This only happens when you get hit enough times by one the terrifying creatures or rocks that seem to mysteriously fall from the sky. When you get hit, your “sleep” meter goes up. When it fills all the way, your character is trapped in dreamland, where Freddy can find and maim you. Mostly, though, you're stuck squaring off against spooky ghosts and flying skulls. I swear, this game includes every horror cliche known to man.

Only this snake stands between you and Kreuger.

If, after the first five minutes of this nonsense, you decide to hunt for Freddy's bones anyway, good luck. You'll have to roam aimlessly through the streets, punching wild animals out of your way, to look for a house with an open door. In all honestly, the juvenile delinquent that is your character needs to stop searching for houses to break into. If he/she wanders randomly into someone else's house, well then, they deserve every giant rat bite and flying skull attack they get.