Dennis the Menace - SNES

If you've ever gone on a scavenger hunt to collect a bunch of useless, hidden items, then didn't get rewarded for your efforts, don't even bother playing “Dennis the Menace.” You've done this all before.

How do I get out of this house?

The game, loosely based on the characters from the crappy movie, is all about gathering four large gold coins in every level, then trying desperately to find the exit before getting mauled by a purple cat or a pigeon. Sure, you can collect some little gold coins, too, but they're worthless. There's nothing to buy, you don't earn a life when you collecting 100 of them, nothing.

So, Dennis goes off on an epic quest to gather these coins, while putting himself in extreme peril. In the first level, for example, he scrounges through Mr. Wilson's house, which is infested with endlessly respawning purple cats, mice, and possessed dishes. If Dennis walks too far to the end of house, Mr. Wilson chases him and throws him out. Mr. Wilson should mind his own business and go call an exterminator, as well as an exorcist, if you ask me.

Later levels have Dennis traipsing through a park in the middle of the night, then into a boiler room, all in an effort to find those gold coins. And that kid needs all the luck he can get. He's equipped with an utterly useless water pistol, a slow shooting sling shot, and a pea shooter. And you have to find the pea shooter before using it, so good luck with that.

Once Dennis gets attacked by enough wild animals, his courage meter empties, and it's back to the beginning of the level for you. No checkpoints, of course, because obviously you love coin collecting so much, that you want to do it over and over again, right? Lose all your lives, and it's game over. You don't get any continues, and there's no password feature. It's like Ocean, the company who made this trash, is laughing in your face at your failure. This means that they expect you to play this awful game for hours until you beat it, with no breaks whatsoever.

I've got news for you, Ocean: I do believe that's torture, and last I checked, torture is illegal in this country. Expect a call from my lawyers. I know once they play this game, it'll be lawsuit time.