Packy and Marlon - SNES

Learning about diabetes is hip, bro.

This game starts off with a disclaimer: it can teach you about diabetes, but it won't teach you how to manage your own diabetes. And what good is a game if it can't do that?

Indeed, Packy and Marlon is actually a game designed to teach kids about the horrors of diabetes. A bunch of rats have broken into Camp Wa-Kee's supply room and stolen all the diabetes medication. Because I know the first thing rats would go for is definitely diabetes medicine. They steal food, too, and leave it scattered in the strangest places.

You play as one of two elephants, either Packy or Marlon, as the title suggests. It's your job to collect the stolen medicine and food, all while monitoring your blood glucose level and eating right every day. If you need to buy your kids a game to teach them how to eat breakfast and use their medication, I'd have to say you're a parental failure.

What really sucks the fun out of this game is the fact that it's hardly a game. You have to give your diabetic elephant insulin to keep his blood sugar up. If you defeat a level's boss with his blood sugar too high or low, you basically die and have to restart again. That'll teach kids the importance of taking their insulin real quick, I guess.

Your short and stubby elephant wanders through the level at a snail's pace, and there seems to be no way to run. Like Dumbo, he can flap his ears and glide a little, but it's useless since he only manages to jump about an inch off the floor. You can shoot your enemies with globs of water, but who knows if the game's registering the hit. I've hit enemies with one shot and they died. Then I hit the same kind of enemy with five shots, and they kept on chasing after me. Your best bet is to just try to jump over everything, but like I said, you only jump about one inch off the ground.

Hurry: gotta find the food that RODENTS stole!

During the level, you run into various animal buddies who all have important questions about diabetes for you. Answer three in a row, and get a free life. Answer wrong, and nothing happens. I thought it would be awesome if the animal friend mauled your elephant to death for answering wrong, but they just give you the right answer and disappear.

If there was more action, better graphics, better sound and pretty much better everything, this game would have actually made learning about diabetes interesting. But, hey: give your kids this game, and they'll definitely start thinking that reading and doing homework is fun.